15.3.07

Day 115 (week 24): Elephant trap

BusyBody came round in a flap today.

“I’m at least a week late.”
“What are you going on about? Late for what…Oh. Please. Too much information.”
“No, I’m serious. I think I might be pregnant.”
“Have you done one of those test things?”
“Not yet. But I may have to.”
“Have you told FanciesHimself? [our junior clerk]”
“Well, no. Actually, I’m not sure it’d be his or not…”
“What? Who else could it be?”
“Well, do you promise to keep this a secret.”
“Of course.”
(Yeh, right).
“You know I mentioned bagging a rich barrister a few weeks ago?”
“Yeeees…” I didn’t like where this was going.
“Well, it was because I had a date with OldSmoothie that night and well, one thing led to another and you know…”
“I can guess. So you’re telling me that you might be pregnant by either OldSmoothie or FanciesHimself and you don’t which?”
“Maybe.”


Golly.

Anyway, needs must and with all the sympathy in the world for BusyBody, opportunities must be grasped and this was a prime one to set somewhat of an elephant trap for TopFirst who has fast become the Chambers’ gossip. A lot of scope for him to put his foot in it if he is just fed slightly inaccurate information. So, as part of our new spirit of co-operation I popped round to his room for coffee this afternoon when his pupilmaster was out.
“BusyBody’s been sick the last couple of mornings apparently.” Just to get the ball rolling.
“Heavy nights or something?”
“Don’t think so, she’s been off the booze for the last few weeks since…”
“Yes, don’t blame her, the way it affects her. Couple of gins…”
“Yes and she drops her briefs. You told me that one last week.”
“I mean, what was she doing with FanciesHimself of all people?”
“I know…Not as bad as The Boss, though.”
“What do you mean? Her and the Boss too? Surely not?”
“No, I’m sure you’re right.”


But we’ll let it ferment a little. As he’s prone to do when his mind is whirring (you can almost hear it), TopFirst cleaned his glasses with his tie and straightened them up on his face. He’d be a dreadful poker player and he’s going to have to get rid of some of these nervous tics if he ever wants to bluff for his clients.
“You don’t suppose she’s pregnant do you?” He mused.
“No.”
“She might be, you know.”
“Couldn’t be.”
“Would explain the sickness. And I did see her looking pretty stressed today.”
“No… doesn’t bear thinking about.”
“It could be really bad for her. Maybe she doesn’t even know whether it belongs to Fancies Himself or The Boss.”
“Wouldn’t be good.”
“I’d say.”


And then…I’m afraid I couldn’t resist,
“Old Smoothie was the one who mentioned the Boss and BusyBody. He always knows what’s going on.”

Just enough, I hope, to set TopFirst on the path to asking OldSmoothie whether BusyBody is pregnant by a barrister in Chambers. Not just because he is that barrister.

But also because he is on the tenancy committee.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Go get him BabyB

Anonymous said...

Don't trust TopFirst in all of this. He's dangerous!

John Robertson said...

Brilliant! Makes Francis Urquart look like an amateur

Anonymous said...

Maybe the fragrant Lynne Bastow can arrange a paternity test ? - Just a thought

Anonymous said...

i hope i'm never against you in court

Anonymous said...

love, law, and lust.... this story had everything. I'm really enjoying reading it. I am a daily reader.

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Lynne Bastow said...

Not necessary. OldSmoothie has been around too long to fall for that one. He will have had a vasectomy. If he is married, probably to his 3rd wife, she won't know, and they will be trying very hard for a baby.

Lex said...

Dear BabyBarista,

You are naughty...but I like you. If I were a publisher, I would be offering to grease your palms with mucho mucho dinero.

Dave Carr said...

It's true that it makes Westminster politics look like child's play.